Collared

I can't say for how long I've wanted a collar. The feel of rope, the need for domination, the desire to submit - all these things have been a part of who I am for ages, but the want to be collared was relatively new. It was, in its own way, symbolic. A physical manifestation of the term Master, and of slave.

I was beyond happy to wear the gift, and Master, I think, was happy to have me wear it.

The evening started out with a body stocking - an article of clothing I'm quickly becoming attached to. They're snug and restrictive in a way without being uncomfortable in the slightest, and they don't really cover -anything-, so much as give the illusion of clothing. I'd never worn one for Master before, but I'd had an idea that they'd be well received. I'd also bought more than we ended up using, but they'll get their turn before long I'm sure.

The only thing more enjoyable than the feel of rope against my skin are Master's hands. From the sharp sting of a slap to the gently maddening caress, they're quite capable of anything. I did my best not to get too emotional as the collar was buckled on. I'd helped design it, and really enjoyed the feel of it all around - I couldn't even bring myself to speak for the first few moments, choking on my thanks and biting back tears.

I never wanted to take it back off.

Master's work began after that. Cuffs and rope, blindfold and bondage tape. Sliding his pet onto her back he went to work - tying my hands near the collar, taping my legs to themselves and obliterating my sense of sight. Like the good little horny pet I am, I was horribly wet before he'd even finished. The ropes that kept my wrists near my neck also looped down and gave my feet something to struggle against. It was delightfully restrictive, and yet loose enough that I could squirm as I moaned in anticipation and pleasure.

All the feelings slipped into one another, and I don't remember if that was the night I had to withstand the nipple clamps, or if that came later. In all honesty, to me, it doesn't much matter. I'd earned time with the clamps and I knew it was coming, like it or not, but the slightest caress, the lightest touch from my Master makes so many things bearable.

Whenever the clamps happened, I remember very clearly when they came off. The warning, the steady voice of Master telling me to take a deep breath, and that breath turning into a gasping scream as the blood rushed back into the sensitive bits of flesh.  I don't like the feel of the clamps - the pain is a little too sharp, but I have to admit, I've spent days remembering that moment that they came off. The rush, the warning, the tone in his voice, the fear, the near orgasmic rush I was helpless to stop.

I don't like clamps, but sweet mother of mary I can, at the very least, understand why there's people that do enjoy them.

Rope Dress

The first day Master got in we had planned to kind of take things easy. His flight was long, he'd been early, etc.

This isn't the way things went.

We ended up going out to dinner with my mom. Aside from getting to spend a week with each other, him meeting the majority of my family was pretty much the reason for him to come to a cold wet state instead of me going down to a nice warm dry one.

Before dinner however, Master offered to put me in a rope dress. Sure, I agreed, I'd actually worn a turtle neck sweater specifically to be able to help hide anything he might chose to do to me before we had to leave. From the moment the rope hit my skin I was fighting to maintain control. It was a bit snug when he was done, and maybe a little too snug. I enjoy the restrained feeling, but it wasn't until about halfway through dinner that I realized it was just a tad too uncomfortable.

What Master added to the rope dress that wasn't helping me was a small knot. In the single most sensitive place, I'd stand up, sit down, or walk, and I could feel that devious little knot slipping along what was already a very wet slit and clit.

Dinner went well, I managed to focus on the food, and until the conversation moved to sports I was focusing on that fairly well too. We had planned to make one more stop before going back to the hotel, but at that point I needed to get out of the rope dress, it was getting close to get me out of it now, and I didn't want to have to cut it if we could avoid it. (Granted, I wasn't going to let it harm me just to keep the silly rope intact. )

While I wasn't too surprised at how wet I'd gotten the rope when we finally did get it off, but Master commented on it just enough to make me blush.

Sadly, the rest of the night is a blur. I didn't get much sleep before his flight came in, and I'd been on edge for an entire week before that. My body and mind were gone enough that no matter how many times I try to play that night over in my mind, I just simply can't remember what else happened.

I do remember that the bed sucked horribly, and I didn't sleep well that night either, but we worked those kinks out easily enough the next night ^_^

A week's time

It's much harder to separate the events of an entire week's vacation than it was to keep track of an extended weekend stay. The really important part? Best Vacation so far <3

The close second? I got to wear my collar.

I don't think I could describe to someone who doesn't get bdsm how incredible of a feeling it was. Words kind of failed me even when Master put it on me. Face to face, naked but for some cuffs (I think), I don't remember even managing a thank you. I was too afraid to talk, worried my voice would crack, afraid the sound would open the gates of emotion and I'd just start crying right there.

It's beautiful. Light blue and white leather, with a nice soft interior and three rings on it.

Part of me wanted to cry, it was an item I'd craved for years, something I wanted to not only earn, but receive from someone that I could call my Master. Someone who had enough of my respect, trust, and heart to not just demand any such title, but wait for me to want to use it.

Another part of me didn't want to take it off. I wanted to be able to wear it constantly. I wanted the whole world to see, and for those in the know to know. I can't say 100% that I have the guts to actually wear it in front of my family, decidedly vanilla that they are, but I doubt I would've argued the point.

I've fantasized about this lifestyle for years. Easily since I was 19, if not before then. Now that I'm in it, now that I'm learning more and more about the complexities, the layers, the mental vs. physical vs. emotional - I'm so fulfilled and happy that I don't care to keep it a secret.

At the same time it's something intimate. Between two people, a bond in more than just the physical.

*wanders off with a happy little sigh*  It was a good week, and I'll get into it more later.

Monday

Monday started off nice and easy, but then Master decided to queue up a video of a Japanese woman who was tied up in various outfits and fucked by strangers on a bus.

Needless to say it had the desired effect on me that I'm sure he was going for.

I don't remember much before he used the leather hogtie to secure me to a chair, but I'm sure Master's deft fingers teased the hell out of me. Just locking me into place on the chair had a serious effect. I could feel my entire body wake up - every little touch, breeze, thought, it was all on edge.

And then came the wand. Its haitus broken from Friday night. My welcome and now my farewell, Master drove me to the edge, blurring my mind, making my body yearn for the unavoidable orgasm that powerful vibrator commanded. When he stopped I nearly cried. I'm pretty sure I whimpered. I look forward to the day when I get to cum to that powerful vibrator, begging for it to stop as opposed to begging for release.

The video still played as he attended me, it was 3 hours long and I think I spent 2 secured to the chair.  Squirming, wet, distracted by the scene playing out before me, distracted from that by Master's attention. Struggling to watch the video and not lose myself so much to the sensation that I couldn't obey.

He painted dirty words on my flesh with chocolate, rewarded me with his cock down my throat, made me twitch and jump and shiver with suppressed nervous laughter as he dripped wax on my exposed body. The ache in my limbs was delicious, enough to remind me I was held fast, and light enough to not really hurt at all. The feel of the flog and wax distracted me, the building orgasms flooded over it. Cold water from icecubes sent my world in a different direction, everything came together to make the eventual orgasm(s) melt in such a way I'm not sure when the sensations ended and the orgasms began. But Master's words, his command, my body reacts to happily, and I want it no other way.

It's hard to describe a wonderful experience to someone who has never felt it. How do you relate the colors of the rainbow to a blind person? How do you describe the elation and trust and euphoria to someone jaded? I spent my entire life clumsy, feeling awkward and ugly as though everything I touched turned to filth and crumbled.

This lifestyle, that man, my world now is whole and beautiful and at peace. I don't remember when but I know at one point during my stay I just started crying. I wasn't sad, I was happy and a little afraid. I was so relieved to feel so wonderful that I didn't know how to handle it. I'd never been so at peace before, so happy, and my tears were relief - relief and fear that I would do something to destroy it all. That some flaw would bubble to the surface that wouldn't be forgiven.

And even if something like that does happen it's going to be okay. These moments, that weekend, if that's all I'm allowed to have I can accept that. To know what was missing in my life all these years, even if its fleeting, is incredible.  I have faith though - this isn't fleeting, it isn't something that was only going to happen once - this is my life now and I embrace it with all the joy and happiness I have <3

Sunday

I'm quite proud of myself with how Sunday started out. Master and I have spoken a lot about what we enjoy, visually, physically, etc (communication is key, after all), and so when I put together a "surprise" outfit for him I was pretty sure it was going to have the desired effects.

What do you know, it did. <3

It was a short christmas-y kind of dress that buttons all the way down the front, white thigh highs and heels I had to buy on my way to the airport because I couldn't find any >.> I didn't even have to ask and Master kept his eyes closed until I was standing in front of him, his reaction was worth every penny =D

After his initial reaction wore off the rope came out. He took his time tying me up and I reveled in every minute of it. Securing my arms behind my back he had me lay down on the couch and with quite a bit of length from my wrists to my ankles he tied both points up. The rope was snug the resistance was wonderful <3 I was wet and squirmy before anything else happened. I'd wanted to be tied up for Years, and this was a nice introduction to being restrained with -just- rope. The feel of it against my skin is so nice I'm almost tempted to go out and buy some and start practicing tying myself into a simple rope dress.

Out came a camera and the egg - I swear Master never misses a chance to drive me bonkers with that damned thing. (Heck, the egg might've come into play before the rope, things get kinda blurry once Master's in charge ^^; ). If the camera wasn't embarrassing enough he also started using a video camera, which had an effect I wasn't entirely expecting - it made me even hornier than I already was. At this point the sensations and actions all kind of glopped together, and forget trying to watch the video to jog my memory, Master played back some (or all) of what he recorded after the fact and I couldn't bring myself to watch it then.

I doubt I'd have much better luck now ^^;

The session was, I think, the shortest one we'd had up to that point (and possibly the entire weekend), but it was pretty intense. At least on my end, with the cameras and rope and such. I can close my eyes and see bits and pieces as short clips and pictures in my mind, I can hear his voice slipping in and out of the mewling moans and gasps he demands from my body. It's exhausting and I cling to him after each session like a tired swimmer, finding reprieve after treading water for hours.

And for the first time in my life, I feel whole. Completed not just by the man I trust and love, but by the moments and desires we share. There's no sense of wrong, or unnatural - rather it's a feeling that things are as they are. Right and proper and working as intended.

Saturday

Friday, in all its glory, was exhausting, and despite that I think I only slept like 3 or 4 hours. I'm not much for sleeping at night so it wasn't too surprising. I was simply too wide awake to go back to sleep. Saturday morning started out kinda lazy for me, but once Master woke up things started to move a bit more. We had a light breakfast, and then I got pampered in the shower again <3 (I tell you, I could get used to that >.> )

However, the shower didn't end in a relaxing way, it was time to use the shower enema kit Master'd bought (and installed). My feelings on that thing were, and still kinda are, mixed. It works great for cleaning things out, and after the first time it wasn't really uncomfortable. Just... a LOT of water. The most embarrassing part was bending over in the shower, though when Master busted out the lube and started teasing me with his fingers, I wasn't really focusing on much else.

Two times of being filled with water worked well, and it wasn't too surprising, I hadn't really eaten much either over the last 24 hours or so anyway. Once everything was clean it was onto the warm soft bed, rear still in the air. Master'd bought three sizes of plugs, the things looked like they'd come in a set - the design was similar they just got bigger and bigger. He started off (obviously) with the smallest.

Smallest my. ass. That thing felt huge! And it wasn't nearly as thick as Master is, so I wasn't too surprised when my ass didn't exactly welcome his cock some time later. I don't know if more lube was needed, or if I was too nervous, or if it was a mix of things. Becoming embarrassed about something is a kind of double-edged sword with me - everything is tingly and on edge, but at the same time it's really REALLY hard to relax. I am though of the school of thought that there's no such thing as too much lube.

Ever.

Fortunately I have a very patient and caring Master and when things weren't exactly going smoothly we moved onto other things, and my tensed rear end was given a reprieve. I'm not convinced I'm ever going to be able to take the biggest of those plugs, but Master seems to have faith we'll be able to work up to it ^_^ Barring that, I'm just looking forward to the day he can fill my ass without too much fuss before hand <3

Later that day was nice too, in-between the longer sessions we had begun a pattern of messing around. Cuddling and snuggling would randomly just turn into Master stripping me down and taking me in any various different ways. At one point he decided to play around with the rope he had and test out a simple rope dress. We learned two things from that - we were gonna need longer rope, and I have a rather pleasant reaction to rope against my skin. I'm not sure I could make it through an entire day wearing one of those >.> I am sure though, that at some point I'll find out one way or another ^_^;

And still, even though I had a hard time relaxing the only thing I can complain about are the nipple clamps from the day before =D Saturday was a nice day, we did run an errand or two and I think we went out to eat for at least one meal, so not the whole day was spent inside (or hey, more might've happened). Sunday was a different matter altogether though, and for lack of better way of putting it, I pretty much got what I'd "asked" for that day. <3

Friday

Getting off the plane was easy. My nerves were on edge, but the desire to be lost in the arms of my love was stronger than the fear of what may or may not happen between us. My flight had gotten in early, which didn't help the building nerves in the slightest, since now I had to sit, and wait.

And think while waiting.

The actual meeting was nice. We hugged, he bought me something to snack on since I was pretty hungry, and we headed into the parking deck. I knew a bit of what was to be expected ahead of time, but I think my mind tossed most of it out the window by the time we got to his car. I'm pretty sure there was small talk, but I stayed mostly focused on the tasty treat I was nomming away on.

Sitting in the car, a gift was given - a wireless vibrating egg and remote. One that required assembly so far as the batteries needing to be put in it. I was told after putting the batteries in that I would be putting the egg in. I struggled a bit to get it in without taking anything off, but that didn't last long.

"Might as well take the pants off, you don't get to keep them on anyway." Came the statement. A slight whimper was the reply, and the jeans came off. Admittedly, the egg goes in easier without the pants in the way. It was thicker than the rotor I had back home and was making itself well known without even being turned on. The word to remove my panties followed, and I got a towel in exchange.

Silly me, I put the towel -over- my lap, when I learned it was meant to go under me. Once I was settled in, as well as I could possible settle with only a shirt and sneakers on, the little egg whirred into life. Even in the pitch black of the night I was pretty convinced that everyone could see the red on my face, that there was no way I was keeping the calm exterior I was fighting to keep.

After a few moments I'm not even sure I was trying to keep a calm exterior. The egg had multiple settings, and Master seemed to just Love going through them. I tried to focus on anything but the whirring inside me, buildings, signs, other cars, small talk - anything. The entire ride I was afraid that he was going to randomly stop at some store and expect me to get out of the car the way I was. I wasn't even sure I'd be able to convince my legs to move let alone actually convincing the rest of me that I would be willing to go into said store.

Fortunately, we didn't stop anywhere between the airport as his place. Unfortunately, I did have to walk from the car up three flights up steps to his front door. It... wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Even though I was very wet the egg didn't just randomly fall out as I walked. He had me wait outside the door for a moment, and when the outside light shut off I had a pretty decent idea of what he meant to do.

He gave me something to lean against - him - and he pulled my shirt up over my head, and unsnapped my bra. I thought my whole body had exploded in little tingly sensations, and my mind started reeling with possible things he could have me do from that point. I don't even think I fully registered my admittance into the apartment until the door closed behind us. I took off my socks and shoes and found myself naked walking into a room with two tables. There was more in the room, granted, but at that point I wasn't really focusing on much except a squat table and it's longer brother.

The big table was covered with toys, and I knew that the smaller one was about to be covered in at least one toy. Every light touch Master gave me slipped through my entire body, the egg was still going but there was so much else it was hard to even register it. He slipped a very comfortable blindfold over my eyes and all I had left to focus on were the sensations.

Once Master put the cuffs on my wrists and ankles my world started to blur. The snug feel of the cuffs was amazing, the cool table at my back as long lengths of rope tying my shivering wet body against it, all of it crashed into my mind like a bowling ball. I was helpless, though not completely. My mind understood there were a couple ways I could end the session, and that that was my right - not something to be ashamed of. Even so I was lost in it all.

One flog was snappy and whip-like. The stretchy little bastard stung sharply, but the after effect left my skin tingly. The longer heavier one that followed it was different. The sting wasn't sharp, but the feel of it wasn't ignorable either, following behind it's little brother it took advantage of the shivering flesh. Between the egg inside, the resistance of the ropes, the embarassment of being open wide to someone else's eyes, all those added to the feel of the heavier flog as it came down on my pussy.

I think I could've cum to that.

I know at some point the mask came off. I know at some point I came, was kissed, caressed. Master help my head for me when my neck began to ache, his hands were warm and gentle and the kindnesses that he showed me while he played with me went above anything anyone had ever shown me before.

There was a wand at some point, a pointy wheel at another, and at some point I'm pretty sure I was trying to figure out how I could fit this squat little table into my own luggage. I have no idea how long the session lasted, I can't remember everything that happened, but aside from the nipple clamps I thoroughly enjoyed everything else. The feel of everything - physically, emotionally - it was all I could have ever hoped for.

And afterward, being wrapped up in Master's arms, sipping water, snuggling against his skin, shivering and wet and messy. Soft kisses on my forehead, deft fingers slipping through my hair, I hadn't even experienced something so gentle in any vanilla relationship.

I had known before then how deeply I'd felt about him. No one could have convinced me otherwise, and after the first night at his mercy, lost in his dominance, wrapped in his tender care, I knew. I love him, I trust him, and I know that in all things - in everything that I am, that I tried to hide, that no one else had ever accepted before - that he's there. I don't have to worry about what I say, or how I act, I don't have to be concerned that something will be too far out there, or too different. I can be me. 100% me.

There's no reason for anything to be hidden - I've already been laid bare. <3