Saturday

Friday, in all its glory, was exhausting, and despite that I think I only slept like 3 or 4 hours. I'm not much for sleeping at night so it wasn't too surprising. I was simply too wide awake to go back to sleep. Saturday morning started out kinda lazy for me, but once Master woke up things started to move a bit more. We had a light breakfast, and then I got pampered in the shower again <3 (I tell you, I could get used to that >.> )

However, the shower didn't end in a relaxing way, it was time to use the shower enema kit Master'd bought (and installed). My feelings on that thing were, and still kinda are, mixed. It works great for cleaning things out, and after the first time it wasn't really uncomfortable. Just... a LOT of water. The most embarrassing part was bending over in the shower, though when Master busted out the lube and started teasing me with his fingers, I wasn't really focusing on much else.

Two times of being filled with water worked well, and it wasn't too surprising, I hadn't really eaten much either over the last 24 hours or so anyway. Once everything was clean it was onto the warm soft bed, rear still in the air. Master'd bought three sizes of plugs, the things looked like they'd come in a set - the design was similar they just got bigger and bigger. He started off (obviously) with the smallest.

Smallest my. ass. That thing felt huge! And it wasn't nearly as thick as Master is, so I wasn't too surprised when my ass didn't exactly welcome his cock some time later. I don't know if more lube was needed, or if I was too nervous, or if it was a mix of things. Becoming embarrassed about something is a kind of double-edged sword with me - everything is tingly and on edge, but at the same time it's really REALLY hard to relax. I am though of the school of thought that there's no such thing as too much lube.

Ever.

Fortunately I have a very patient and caring Master and when things weren't exactly going smoothly we moved onto other things, and my tensed rear end was given a reprieve. I'm not convinced I'm ever going to be able to take the biggest of those plugs, but Master seems to have faith we'll be able to work up to it ^_^ Barring that, I'm just looking forward to the day he can fill my ass without too much fuss before hand <3

Later that day was nice too, in-between the longer sessions we had begun a pattern of messing around. Cuddling and snuggling would randomly just turn into Master stripping me down and taking me in any various different ways. At one point he decided to play around with the rope he had and test out a simple rope dress. We learned two things from that - we were gonna need longer rope, and I have a rather pleasant reaction to rope against my skin. I'm not sure I could make it through an entire day wearing one of those >.> I am sure though, that at some point I'll find out one way or another ^_^;

And still, even though I had a hard time relaxing the only thing I can complain about are the nipple clamps from the day before =D Saturday was a nice day, we did run an errand or two and I think we went out to eat for at least one meal, so not the whole day was spent inside (or hey, more might've happened). Sunday was a different matter altogether though, and for lack of better way of putting it, I pretty much got what I'd "asked" for that day. <3

Friday

Getting off the plane was easy. My nerves were on edge, but the desire to be lost in the arms of my love was stronger than the fear of what may or may not happen between us. My flight had gotten in early, which didn't help the building nerves in the slightest, since now I had to sit, and wait.

And think while waiting.

The actual meeting was nice. We hugged, he bought me something to snack on since I was pretty hungry, and we headed into the parking deck. I knew a bit of what was to be expected ahead of time, but I think my mind tossed most of it out the window by the time we got to his car. I'm pretty sure there was small talk, but I stayed mostly focused on the tasty treat I was nomming away on.

Sitting in the car, a gift was given - a wireless vibrating egg and remote. One that required assembly so far as the batteries needing to be put in it. I was told after putting the batteries in that I would be putting the egg in. I struggled a bit to get it in without taking anything off, but that didn't last long.

"Might as well take the pants off, you don't get to keep them on anyway." Came the statement. A slight whimper was the reply, and the jeans came off. Admittedly, the egg goes in easier without the pants in the way. It was thicker than the rotor I had back home and was making itself well known without even being turned on. The word to remove my panties followed, and I got a towel in exchange.

Silly me, I put the towel -over- my lap, when I learned it was meant to go under me. Once I was settled in, as well as I could possible settle with only a shirt and sneakers on, the little egg whirred into life. Even in the pitch black of the night I was pretty convinced that everyone could see the red on my face, that there was no way I was keeping the calm exterior I was fighting to keep.

After a few moments I'm not even sure I was trying to keep a calm exterior. The egg had multiple settings, and Master seemed to just Love going through them. I tried to focus on anything but the whirring inside me, buildings, signs, other cars, small talk - anything. The entire ride I was afraid that he was going to randomly stop at some store and expect me to get out of the car the way I was. I wasn't even sure I'd be able to convince my legs to move let alone actually convincing the rest of me that I would be willing to go into said store.

Fortunately, we didn't stop anywhere between the airport as his place. Unfortunately, I did have to walk from the car up three flights up steps to his front door. It... wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Even though I was very wet the egg didn't just randomly fall out as I walked. He had me wait outside the door for a moment, and when the outside light shut off I had a pretty decent idea of what he meant to do.

He gave me something to lean against - him - and he pulled my shirt up over my head, and unsnapped my bra. I thought my whole body had exploded in little tingly sensations, and my mind started reeling with possible things he could have me do from that point. I don't even think I fully registered my admittance into the apartment until the door closed behind us. I took off my socks and shoes and found myself naked walking into a room with two tables. There was more in the room, granted, but at that point I wasn't really focusing on much except a squat table and it's longer brother.

The big table was covered with toys, and I knew that the smaller one was about to be covered in at least one toy. Every light touch Master gave me slipped through my entire body, the egg was still going but there was so much else it was hard to even register it. He slipped a very comfortable blindfold over my eyes and all I had left to focus on were the sensations.

Once Master put the cuffs on my wrists and ankles my world started to blur. The snug feel of the cuffs was amazing, the cool table at my back as long lengths of rope tying my shivering wet body against it, all of it crashed into my mind like a bowling ball. I was helpless, though not completely. My mind understood there were a couple ways I could end the session, and that that was my right - not something to be ashamed of. Even so I was lost in it all.

One flog was snappy and whip-like. The stretchy little bastard stung sharply, but the after effect left my skin tingly. The longer heavier one that followed it was different. The sting wasn't sharp, but the feel of it wasn't ignorable either, following behind it's little brother it took advantage of the shivering flesh. Between the egg inside, the resistance of the ropes, the embarassment of being open wide to someone else's eyes, all those added to the feel of the heavier flog as it came down on my pussy.

I think I could've cum to that.

I know at some point the mask came off. I know at some point I came, was kissed, caressed. Master help my head for me when my neck began to ache, his hands were warm and gentle and the kindnesses that he showed me while he played with me went above anything anyone had ever shown me before.

There was a wand at some point, a pointy wheel at another, and at some point I'm pretty sure I was trying to figure out how I could fit this squat little table into my own luggage. I have no idea how long the session lasted, I can't remember everything that happened, but aside from the nipple clamps I thoroughly enjoyed everything else. The feel of everything - physically, emotionally - it was all I could have ever hoped for.

And afterward, being wrapped up in Master's arms, sipping water, snuggling against his skin, shivering and wet and messy. Soft kisses on my forehead, deft fingers slipping through my hair, I hadn't even experienced something so gentle in any vanilla relationship.

I had known before then how deeply I'd felt about him. No one could have convinced me otherwise, and after the first night at his mercy, lost in his dominance, wrapped in his tender care, I knew. I love him, I trust him, and I know that in all things - in everything that I am, that I tried to hide, that no one else had ever accepted before - that he's there. I don't have to worry about what I say, or how I act, I don't have to be concerned that something will be too far out there, or too different. I can be me. 100% me.

There's no reason for anything to be hidden - I've already been laid bare. <3

Perhaps...

I don't think it's really hit me where I'll be, and what I'll be doing before the day's out. There's just an airplane ride between he and I and right now it still feels so long away, and soon it won't be. Things we've talked about, things planned, desired, wanted, needed, pretty soon they'll be right there in front of me.

He'll be right there in front of me.

If I could find the right words to describe everything that's going on inside my heart right now I'd be a multi-millionaire for my exceptional use of the English language.

I am, however, decidedly poor-er than that. As much as I love writing, as much as I enjoy word play, I just don't think I could find the words to properly describe it. I'm nervous, excited, happy, worried, scared, elated, jittery, calm. All rolled into one, all wondering what the day will bring. But regardless of what happens I won't have any regrets. That much I know to be true.

I just hope I don't cry ^^; I hate crying in front of people, which is a bad thing for me, as emotional and swept away as I tend to get >.> But, even if I do, I doubt it will matter.  There's trust there, and love, and past those two things I need nothing else.

On the bright side I'll have plenty to post about when I get back! XD

List 3 of Many

Phobias - Things I don't even remotely want to try.


1. Needles. No way no how no kind. I don't care if I get roped into a medical scene, keep these things the hell away from me. I've had a fear of needles since I was a kid - and I don't mean "Oh I hate getting shots." No, I mean 3 orderlies have to hold me down for them to remove blood from my body for life saving tests. This is not happy fun times >.<

2. Blood. Of any kind. It doesn't really belong mixed in with anything in my opinion. Fake movie blood, no problem. Wounds, cuts, sore, stitches... probably best to keep out of the mix.

3. Spiders. Hell, we could safely just say bugs here and be good. Spiders however, are at the top of the list. I don't like bugs, I like spiders even less. And I don't even know why - Spiders eat the other bugs, I should love spiders. But alas, I do not. And those people that lay in a coffin full of worms for money - those fuckers are insane.

4. Speaking of coffins - Severely enclosed spaces. A cage with bars - fine. A box with a tiny hole - not fine.

5. Clowns. What can I say? It popped into my mind, so I'm including it. There's a lot of sexy cosplay options out there, and certain variation of clown-likeness is acceptable (like a harlequin for instance), but the good old fashioned Barnum and bailey? Nope. Either it's going to be too creepy, or I'm simply not going to be able to take anything seriously.

6. Medical settings - I don't mind playing nurse, but those sterile bright white environments with the tools laid out and the crinkly sheets... yeah, no. I've spent enough time in hospitals in my lifetime already, and there's nothing even remotely interesting and/or sexy about them.


And hm, for now that's it. If something else comes to mind I'll come back here and add it in =3

Anticipation

So I'd really meant to wait a bit longer before posting this, but I don't see any reason to hold off. Especially given how badly I want to cum right now and how the next 48 hours are going to be INSANE.

Or at least feel that way. My body's ramped up because of Master's orders, my mind's ramped up because it's going to be about this time on Friday that I'll be in Master's arms. I'm nervous, and excited, and really looking forward to it, and really kinda scared at the same time. If I wasn't for the love and the trust I'm not sure I'd be able to overcome the other factors and actually get on the plane >.>

Masturbate 5 times a day, but don't cum. Gah! -pulls hair out-. No, that's the wrong reaction, I've gone through this before, I know what the outcome's going to be. The only thing is that I'm already so on edge. My body's shivering and I'm gasping at the slightest of sensations already. I've got two nights of work to go, and hours on an airplane. The nervous energy is just going haywire at this point. I'm bitten my nails into oblivion, I've packed and unpacked my carryon I don't know HOW many times at this point. I just know I'm going to forget something important.

And maybe I sound like I'm complaining, but I'm not - not really. I know there's a reward at the end of this, and I keep trying to focus on that. Unfortunately my mind is so much in the gutter from all this that I keep having these very vivid fantasies when I'm teasing myself. Fantasies that are just begging me to cum screaming to them. And I want to. So very badly, and yet I won't. I can't. I don't want to. I want to be able to make it until Friday, or Saturday if that's what it takes.

I don't know what all he has planned, I don't know to what extent I'll be experiencing everything, and it doesn't matter. I'm sure my imagination has things working out worse (better?) than what they will be, and that somehow that's exactly what he means to do. I'm going to be exhausted before I even get there, I just know it >.< But at the same time I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.

Now just to kick this congestion....

Emotional - Trust

I've tried to write a post on Trust, I don't know how many times now. Every time I get most of the way through it I realize I'm not coming across exactly how I mean. Then again, maybe that's how it works. Trust isn't something that works the same for everyone. For some it's tied into Love, for others it's a separate feeling. I can care for and love people that I don't exactly trust, but the people that I trust, I love.

I might go out of my way to help a friend by giving them a ride somewhere, but with a few rare exceptions, I wouldn't just give my car to someone on loan. For every situation there is a different way that I react given what level someone is on with me. I'm pretty sure this is the way it is for a lot of people.

I tried visualizing it. If Trust was something I could hold in my hand, what would it look like? That's... actually pretty easy for me, but then again I sat down and thought about it for a long time. Trust looks like a glass ball to me, and only the first inch or so is solid. Inside the ball is a network of finely spun and woven glass. It's protected by the thick outer layer, and also helps to reinforce it. As time goes on more glass flows through the interior, until eventually the ball is solid, and practically unbreakable.

But it's still made out of glass. It can chip, and crack, and given the right set of circumstances even break. Shattered into a million pieces its still possible to fix, but it will never be the same flawless elegant bauble that it was before. I'm a forgiving person, there's many people that I can be trusting of that I've actually gotten scolded for even being polite to.

Despite all this, the biggest issue I ran into with trying to post this was deciding which was more important when it came to a D/s relationship. Trust, or Love. In a slightly circular logic it's easiest to say that it depends on the person. Sometimes these things are interwoven, sometimes they're given different levels of importance.

I think, however, that as far as D/s relationships are concerned Trust is most important. Love, as wonderful powerful and awesome as it is, isn't what's needed in those situations. Those that we love are in a position to hurt us the most. From the greatest joy of love can come the worst sorrows we ever feel in our lives. The risk is worth it, don't misunderstand me. But love is blind and emotional and out of control, while trust is perfect in its vision, often ruled by knowledge and cold logic, and tempered by restraint.

I would much rather someone I trust be in control of my fate if I am bound and unable to do much about it, than love. But perhaps I am a bit jaded, and have been hurt and am a bit distrustful of Love. Mm, no.

I love my Master. I trust my Master. If not for these things, I wouldn't call him my Master ^_^

-:- The Drive -:- (Chap.1)

Prologue  >Chapter 1<  Chapter 2

Panting into the seat, her head swimming already as street lights slipped over her body. He fiddled with the remotes to the rotors like he wasn't sure which went to what area. It was so random, speed, intensity, duration, she had no clue when one area would start and another stop. The only constant was the buzzing buried inside her soaking wet pussy, and if not for the ropes she wasn't sure it would've actually stayed in at this point.

The feel of the ropes as she squirmed struggling against them was nice, her Master had become rather adept at tying her up over time. The rotor against her clit whirred to life, pulling her thoughts sharply into focus.

“Ah <3 M-master please, please...” She breathed into the seat, trying to speak loudly enough to be heard.

“Please what, my pet?”

“Please let me cum, Master. P-please fill my wet... shivering pussy with your cock!”

“We're no where near a safe place for me to fuck you, pet,” he explained, and her whimper was the only reply. “If you ask nicely enough, however, I might turn up the rotors and let you cum now.”

Her mind reeled for a moment, trying to think desperately about what she could possibly say to get permission. The feeling was welling up inside, swirling around in her loins threatening to just overtake her. She had plenty of practice ignoring it, and her body wanted to wait until it was okay as much as her mind did. But this situation, the fear and the thrill was working against her.

“Mmmurrr... Please let me cum Master, please let your horny, wet, needy, greedy pet scream out her pleasure for you <3! Please Master, my pussy is so wet and my body's on edge so sharply I need release, please give me permission Master <3 Please it always... feels so much better... when you tell me to cum.”

They came to a red light, she heard the sound of the back window coming down a bit, letting her hear the sound of the car idling next to theirs. He looked into her eyes from the rear view mirror and grinned as all the rotors whirred to life against her skin.

Her face turned even more red than it had been, and as he ordered her to cum for him she couldn't resist. Even on a cool night like tonight, meaning the car next to them probably had their windows down, it didn't matter. The floodgates were opened by that single command, her panting turned into moaning and the moaning turned into something louder.

Her whole body tensed as the sounds of her pleasure flooded the car and gushed out the windows. Somewhere in the sounds of her orgasm were her thanks to him for letting her cum. As she came down from the high the rotors fell silent, save for the one buried inside her now dripping cunt. Sweating and panting she gasped for breath and jumped a bit at the soft sensation inside her. The window rolled back up and the car started rolling forward.

“Good girl.”

“Th-thank you, Master <3”

The shiver in her body never dissipated completely. The whirring between her thighs seemed to keep it rolling, almost to the point where she wished she could've lasted a little bit longer. It felt good, but it was keeping her on edge, and she was afraid a growing need to cum again was going to come too soon.

The car turned and she felt it gain speed, they were on the expressway now, and at holy crap in the morning there wasn't a whole lot of people out and about. Once they got up to speed he set the cruise and started playing with the rotors again. She gasped and murred and squirmed and shivered against the pleasure. He chatted idly with her, gauging her state of mind while he screwed with it.

She began to beg for his cock, in her mouth, her pussy, her ass, she didn't care. She wanted more than just the feel of the rotors randomly lighting her senses on fire and playing havoc with her body. He found a nice place to pull over and he stepped around the car, opening the back door. Her pulled her back, her short legs not quite reaching the ground, and lifted her up, putting a small rolled up sleeping bag under her hips.

Pulling the rope off to one side, he pulled the rotor out of her pussy, watching as her wetness dripped off it and onto her ass.

“You weren't kidding pet, you're very wet. Such a horny little whore.”

“Yes Master, and all yours Master, please <3 Please fill my soaking pussy with your cock!”

She felt the tip of his cock press against the slit of her cunt. He moved it up and down a couple times, enjoying just how soaking wet she was.

“I think you can do better than that, pet.”

“I... I can't think! I can still feel that thing vibrating inside me, my head's all scrambled,” she explained, panting and squirming. She started to say more and he shoved his cock inside her roughly, hilting and burying himself in her in one movement. Her body tightened and she screamed in surprise and pleasure, her body moving right up to the edge, nearly cumming from the feel of him filling her up.

“Did my naughty little girl cum?” He inquired calmly. How he could keep such a level head was amazing to her, and more so when she couldn't hardly think herself.

She shook her head. “No Master, I.. came close, but I didn't cum.”

“Seems even my greedy little whore has some control,” he purred. One hand on the door frame of the car, the other held onto her ass, his thumb idly pushing on the plug in her ass. He took his time at first, pulling back slowly and then shoving himself deep roughly.

When she started begging to be allowed to cum his answer was a sharp no, and a series of swats on her ass as he began to fuck her hard. Just as she thought she wasn't going to be able to obey he pulled out and came on her ass. Her toes curled as his cum slipped down to the small of her back, and oozed down the curve of her ass and onto her thighs. He pushed her back into the car, leaving her ass hiked up by the sleeping bag, before closing the door and getting back in himself.

The wired rotor stayed on the floor of the car, but once he got back up to speed the other rotors began their torment of her flesh. Randomly off and on, variant in their speed and duration. No matter how she begged he wouldn't let her cum, when she swore she wouldn't be able to hold back he simply turned them off for a mile or two before switching them all back on.

She hadn't a clue how long this went on for. Her mind was so garbled she wasn't even sure she'd be able to stand on her own at this point. She vaguely registered that they'd stopped again. He opened the back door on the driver's side, and when she looked up all she could see was her Master's rock hard cock.

Her mouth opened and she stretched toward him, licking the tip and begging for more of it. The rotor against her clit whirred into life more strongly than before, his hand weaving into her the other grabbing onto the rope harness. He pulled her closer and held her head for the first few minutes as she hungrily licked and sucked his cock. She moaned and gave thanks, sucking as sloppily and as noisily as she could.

She begged to be allowed to cum, begged to be able to swallow his. He said nothing as she worked on his cock, taking him in completely, her tongue stretching out to lick his balls before the need to breathe pulled her back up. After a few moments he pulled her off his cock, holding her head up by her hair with one hand, stroking his cock with the other.

“Close your eyes, open your mouth, and cum for me, my pet.” He grunted, fighting to keep his voice steady.

Her body writhed as she struggled to obey him. She struggled to keep her mouth open as he covered her face in cum almost exactly when the orgasm swept over her. His fingers clenched her hair tightly as he came, covering her face and hair with his pleasure.

He knelt down and wiped cum from her lips, sticking his thumb in her mouth and letting her lick it clean. Tilting her head up slightly he kissed her deeply, feeling her exhausted shivering body fight to return the act. One by one the rotors shut off, and he made sure she was comfortable before getting back into the car.

Her murmured thanks, almost as sweet as the sounds she made when she came for him, swirled inside the car for a moment before she slipped into a nap. He let her rest, when they got back home she'd need the energy.

-:- The Drive -:-

>Prologue<  Chapter 1 

She stood before him, her arms folded behind her back, her naked body blushing under his scrutiny. He stepped around her, never touching her, not saying anything for long moments. The most noise he made was a clearing of his throat, a sign for her to move enough to give him a better view of whatever he was peering at at that moment. She could feel her body shiver as he inspected her, the cool wetness forming between her thighs.

When he finally did touch her, it was with rope. He seemed to take great care to avoid skin to skin contact, letting the rope set her nerves on fire more than his fingers. Looping, knotting, he bound her arms into the position she'd been holding them in. Soft gasps and moans escaped her lips as he worked the ropes over her body. Finally he bound her knees together, and then stood before her.

His hand slipped behind her head, grabbing her hair at the base of her neck, pulling her head back and kissing her deeply. Her soft happy sigh turned into a squeal as his fingers pinched her nipple roughly. She jumped a bit and squirmed, but bound as she was her movement was impeded. He bent her over after he broke off the kiss, not giving her time to say or do anything as his finger slipped into her wet pussy.

“Already enjoying yourself, pet?” He questioned after her initial gasp of pleasure died down.

“Yes Master, I am,” she answered, her face red and her body shivering. She whimpered softly when he removed his finger. She was relieved, and concerned, as she felt the familiar cool smooth rotor push into her pussy before he had he straighten.

He turned her around and she noticed the bag, rotors brought to the top, wireless controllers on the floor beside him.

“Master, what are-”

“Hush pet.” He stated with finality, taping another rotor over her clit. She clamped her mouth shut, turning red as he stood up and taped them to her nipples. He pressed his body against hers, reaching behind her and working a lubed plug into her ass. Slowly. Panting and gasping she tried to keep as still as possible as his warm breath washed over her neck and shoulder while the intrusion pushed in deeper. If her arms hadn't been bound she would've held onto him for support as the slow stretch made her knees quiver.

“There, all dressed. Now to give you somewhere to go, pet,” he purred. He kissed her deeply before picking her up and putting her over his shoulder. She squeaked, no matter how often he moved her around like this she couldn't suppress the sound. He idly pushed the rotor back into her pussy as he walked, knowing from experience that it wasn't going to stay in on its own. She purred happily as his fingers slipped into her behind the rotor, pushing it in deeper.

He stepped into the garage and opened the back door of the car, laying her down on the cool leather interior face down. She adjusted herself a bit, getting comfortable, and letting out a cry as he smacked her ass sharply a couple times before turning on the wired rotor that was buried inside her wet pussy.

Her fingers flexed and she started panting into the seat. He swatted her sharply once more, mostly to get her attention.

“No cumming, pet, not until I give you permission.”

“Yes Master,” came the airy reply, her red face and hooded eyes looking toward him for a moment.

He closed the door and moved around to the front, setting the remotes to the wireless rotors down next to him. He stated which was which as he turned each on, pulling a gasp from his horny pet before turning them back off. He adjusted the review mirror so he could see her with a glance.

“You remember the terms, pet?”

She nodded. “I can call it off if I want. You... you won't be disappointed if I do,” she stated, her voice struggling against the buzzing between her thighs. “And it doesn't matter if it's cause of a cramp or because I'm too uncomfortable.”

“Good girl.”

“Mmm, Master, please,” she panted. He turned to look at her, her eyes focusing on his blearily. “Please fuck me now, before we leave, let me cum <3”

“Already pet?” He grinned. “No, I don't think so. You're just going to have to wait.” He turned the key and brought the car to life before pulling out of the garage, down the drive, and onto the road. “Cum without permission pet, and when I do pull over to fuck you I'll take you out of the car first.”

List 2 of Many

Things I Think I'd Like

This is going to be a shorter list than the last one because past what my actual curiosities and interests entail I never really looked into things past that.

1. Enemas. It's hard to really describe this one. What it is that has a hold on me as far as this is concerned has always been really hard to pin down. It's horribly embarrassing for me to even talk about it, and even more so to try and go into any details. I'll be honest, I don't want to crap myself in front of someone, that's NOT the allure to me. It's more the things you can do after being effectively cleaned out – like being forced to hold it in, being punished if you can't, the pure humiliation/embarrassment of even voiding clean water in front of someone.

The upside to this though, is the fact that a clean ass is easily a repeatedly fucked ass, and that's a whole 'nother list of things I could get into =D

2. Fisting. There's a bit of fear involved in this concept. I realize that fists don't reach the size of say, a baby, but babies don't exactly come out easily, ya' know? Yeah the curiosity is there – I've read about people's experience with this, and it sounds like something that's up my alley, but there's a big part of my mind that doesn't believe entire Hands can or should fit in there.

3. Flogged/Whipped/Cropped/Hot Wax. I know what you're thinking, this stuff's kinda par for course when it comes to BDSM isn't it? I can think about this stuff for months or years, and I can try to do it myself, but I don't know. I'd assume there's not going to be an issue when it comes to this, I dream and fantasize about it, I can't wait to experience it. Though, I should admit I had someone try to take a flog to me, and well, I couldn't feel a thing. It was rather disappointing, and not because it was something I no longer wanted to do, so much as it was like having this awesome build up and just … nada.

4. Peeing, and I totally blame way too much time watching Hentais for this one. I don't want to pee ON people, I don't want anything to do with drinking (ewewewewew), etc. Just, the whole having someone watch you do something that's generally a very private thing. Women don't stand at urinals, no one ever sees us pee, so it's... yeah, something. On a related note I had someone ask if I was okay with them peeing on me a few years back. The answer to that question is pretty much the same now as it was then, “Ew, but I don't know...” Because it's humiliating and shameful, and that I can get behind. But at the same time it's like... bwha? Did he really just ask me that?

Well, I suppose it's better he asked as opposed to just you know, peeing on me...

5. Nose hooks. Honestly, my sinus' have been screwed over so often in my life that I don't want anything to do with something that's going to mess with them. But there's still curiosity there, albeit a kind of "This would probably be a punishment way more than a reward..."

6. Hm, I might come back and some other point and update this. Right now I can't think of anything that sits on that fine line of maybe that exists between “Yes Please!” and “Fuck no..”. Speaking of, when I get around to it, the “Fuck no..” is probably going to be my next list.

Tangled (Ramblings)

I am not poly-amorous. Or, at the very least, I don't think I am. I can care about many people in a strong capacity, but there is always one that will be most important to me. I suppose, the best way to start this off, is that is simply just the way that I am.

My Master has consumed my thoughts from long before I even said anything to him. His voice, his opinions, his sense of humor, and even the way he interacted with other people. There was something about him that drew me to him. Taken as I was at the time, I did my best to ignore the feelings that were building inside me. I tried to tell myself that it was foolish to be enamored with someone else even if I wasn't completely happy where I was. The more I got to know him, however, the stronger the pull. I found myself looking forward to him signing on, I wanted to be a part of all the things he did - just to hear his voice for a moment longer.

One day, quite out of the blue, it struck me - I had fallen in love with him.

The details, I suppose, aren't terribly important. The feeling is, or rather, the feelings are what's important. The circumstances are irrelevant, the locations are pointless, the truth is simple - I want to be by his side. Whether it be in a homeless shelter, or a mansion. Whether it's as his equal or his possession; alone or part of a harem - I do not care.

Perhaps such thoughts are foolish - maybe in the end I will only be hurt proportinate to the amount I feel toward him right now.

Yet, even so, the risk is worth it. I'm happy, and afraid. Curious, and worried. I yearn, and dream, and sometimes I worry my heart might just burst with every word that is spoken. Even the silence that lingers between us has a strength to it. I wonder if I ever loved before now, worry if I'll never love this strongly again - and hope that I never need worry.

More accurately, my understanding of love has changed. I know my position, I know his, and I don't know what I expect. I don't know how I'll react - will I become jealous when the facts linger in front of my eyes? Am I so shallow that my words and resolutions will crumble when push comes to shove? Will I dive into a BDSM lifestyle only to find that I hate it? These fears sit in the back of my mind, relentless. Indismissable. Perhaps only time will answer them, but I know the outcome I hope for - the one I will fight for.

Win or lose, the risk is, however, worth it.

To me, at least ^_^