I may have mentioned this before...

I don't get how a dom's mind works. I mean, I'm glad that it works the way it does, don't get me wrong, but I don't get it. Granted I'm a pretty through and through sub - I can write about a dom, I can make assumptions and go by personal experiences, etc. - but I just don't get it.

The feel of restraints, the lack of control, the swirling mixing conflicting sensations and emotions - *shivers* - I really really like this side of it. Master's desire to make me cum until he's pretty sure I'll be too exhausted to go again certainly doesn't hurt either.

But, well, I mean the only time I get pleasure from watching someone squirm/climax/struggle/beg is because my imagination takes over and I'm in that position. Working someone to that point just seems like so much work, and I'm entirely too lazy for that much effort. I guess, from my perspective, it feels like the dom does all the work to not only work me into a frenzy, but themselves as well. I won't lie, it makes me feel incredibly selfish sometimes, even though Master's insisted repeatedly that that isn't the case.

On the one hand, I feel bad for being selfish about it (even if it's a misconception on my part), on the other hand I've never really had anyone go to such lengths to make sure that by the end of it all I was enjoying myself. So I feel spoiled, in a manner, and I'm not sure what to think about that either. In the end I usually spend quite a bit of time trying to think of ways I can spoil him in return. I'm out of shape, I don't pretty up on  regular basis, and my wardrobe is mostly thrift store and walmart, and that's usually where my mind goes when I try to think of ways to return all the wonderful things he does for me.

Even as I think this way I know it's not things I should be worried about. He's the first person to not only tell me I'm beautiful, but also to make me actually feel beautiful. Kicking the social stigma I suppose is the hard part, 10 or more years of mental abuse probably aren't helping either.

Crumbs.

If I could just figure out how his mind works it'd be easier to spoil him. ... ... ... Hell, if I could figure out his mind works, I could figure out anyone's mind, and eventually I'd use my knowledge and new found skills to subtly and artfully take over the corporate world. While I wait for my Mentalist abilities to kick in I suppose I'll just have to settle with buying toys and outfits and just hope against hope that he gets as much pleasure out of them as I do out of him.